Before I delve into the 7 Habits, it's important to point out the background for this sort of book. Covey starts by tracing out the history of a genre that he calls Success Literature, which is a complicated way of saying that it's a self-help book, but I like the attempts at literary analysis. During the first 150 years of American history, Success Literature focuses on what Covey calls the Character Ethic. The foundation of success for those Americans was based on things like "integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice, patience, industry, simplicity, modesty, and the Golden Rule. Benjamin Franklin's autobiography is representative of that literature. It is, basically, the story of one man's effort to integrate certain principles and habits deep within his nature. The Character Ethic taught that there are basic principles of effective living, and that people can only experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate these principles into their basic character."
But then we Americans experienced a change in our definition of success. Sometime "shortly after World War I the basic view of success shifted from the Character Ethic to what we might call the Personality Ethic. Success became more a function of personality, of public image, of attitudes and behaviors, skills and techniques, that lubricate the processes of human interaction. This Personality Ethic essentially took two paths; one was human and public relations techniques, and the other was positive mental attitude (PMA). Some of this philosophy was expressed in inspiring and sometimes valid maxims, such as 'Your attitude determines your altitude,' 'Smiling wins more friends than frowning.' Other parts of the personality approach were clearly manipulative, even deceptive, encouraging people to use techniques to get other people to like them, or to fake interest in the hobbies of others to get out of them what they wanted..."
Emphasis for the Personality Ethic is on the "quick-fix influence techniques, power strategies," which is one reason I didn't want to read Covey's book. That superficial, manipulative quick-fix stuff is pretty antithetical to my nature, and I thought that his book would have preached that sort of stuff. Quick-fix, a me-centric approach to achieve what we think is good only for us, is why we're in some of the predicaments we are in now as a society and explain why we need help. It can safely be said that Covey's book is not quick-fix nor "Personality Ethic." It's principle-centered and hearkens to the Character Ethic and worthy of reflection.
I started to really appreciate 7 Habits when I got to Covey's definition of integrity: If Honesty is conforming your words to reality, Integrity is conforming reality to your words. One other important principle that is part of integrity is "being loyal to those who are not present." "When you defend those who are absent, you retain the trust of those present." This little detail is a very hard one to understand and live by. We all fail at it. It's amazing how you can lose trust from those present by speaking ill of those not around. It's important to remember that to be trusted is greater than to be loved. People will forgive mistakes of the mind, judgement, but not mistakes of the heart.
7 Habits is a book to re-visit. Everything Covey preaches boils down to some very basic biblical principles (although they exist in all other great religious texts and mythologies): The Golden Rule and the idea that You reap what you sow. These principles are part of the human condition. So basic and easy to understand, but so difficult to live by.
Another concept, easy to understand yet hard to live by, is Covey's definition of Emotional Maturity, which he sees as "the ability to express one's own feelings and convictions with consideration for the thoughts and feelings of others." It's easy to blurt out ideas, but ideas only have meaning when we understand what those present are really thinking and feeling.
Most of Covey's metaphors work but they're corny. For example, Covey talks about the emotional bank accounts we have with people and how we make deposits and withdrawals: "When we make deposits of unconditional love, when we live the primary laws of love, we encourage others to live the primary laws of life. In other words, when we truly love others without condition, without strings, we help them feel secure and safe and validated and affirmed in their essential worth, identity, and integrity."
Most of Covey's principles come down to the balance of what he refers to as P/PC. Production/Production Capability. In fact, all of our interactions with our fellow humans should have at their essence this principle: Just because we can get something out of somebody doesn't mean that we should. We don't want to burn bridges just for a short-term goal. He offers the parable of the Goose who lays golden eggs. You don't want to kill the goose who lays golden eggs just to get all the golden eggs out of her. It never works. At least in the long term.
When I see a business book with this sort of title, my reaction is: Just tell me the 7 habits and let's not go through the 300 pages of pontificating about those 7 habits. (See my previous post on another Canonical Business Book). As if the 7 habits alone would make a huge difference. Possibly they might, but certainly in the case of Covey's book it helps to have his explanations. They only become useful when read about in context. But I'll try to summarize.
Here are the 7 Habits:
1: Be proactive. Happiness is within and we don't have to let our surroundings dictate it. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions.
2: Begin with the End in Mind. Start with a goal. This is a Leadership-oriented habit. Like all leadership habits, it's much easier said than done.
3: Put First Things First. Become principle-oriented rather than values-driven. Everybody has values, even a gang member in South Central, but it's difficult to live by your principles. Base your decisions on principles. The 7 habits are good principles with which to start. This is a Management-oriented habit.
4: Think win/win. This expression has now become part of our daily lexicon. In our everyday business, we have to agree to communicate until we find a solution upon which the stakeholders can live with.
5: Seek first to understand... then to be understood. This habit is about Empathic listening, which is also worth keeping in mind for public speaking. The basic principles of public speaking, which is essentially storytelling, are ethos-pathos-logos. In that order. Ethos is gaining credibility with the audience through integrity. Pathos is feeling the thrust of what is going on with the audience. Logos is the logic and analysis. Too often we start with logos. We need to first gain credibility by understanding our audience, then feel what they feel, and then and only then seek to be understood. Don't bother speaking until you can rephrase your interlocutor's argument in your own words.
6: Synergize. Closely related to Habit 4. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts is the starting point for any great organization. As a musician and a fan of sports, I see this habit as essential to any great team or band. Great bands aren't made of prima donna virtuosos; they're made of people who realize that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
7: Sharpen the saw. Put all the Habits together and practice, but also bearing in mind our basic food. Our basic food is based on 4 spheres: mental, physical, social and spiritual. We need to keep a balance of these 4 spheres and practice them at least every week but ideally every day.
This is how I sharpen the saw, but it's up to each of us to define it in our own way:
Mental: Read ~200 pages a week. Right now, I'm reading Doris Kearns Goodwin's The Bully Pulpit: Roosevelt, Taft and the Golden Age of Journalism.
Physical: I work out with a former NFL Pro Bowler 3 times a week doing football workouts. Would like to get back into swimming because my knees are destroyed from running.
Social: Need to do this better. It's about service. I used to bring my dog to have kids read to him at the Boys & Girls Club but don't have time now.
Spiritual: Spend at least once a week in Nature and listen to great music.Try to read the New Testament in Spanish every once in a while, too, but most great books tap into the spirit. The Bible has stories that provide an outline, but rarely if ever do stories in the Bible provide the interior thoughts, motivations, and other complexities of its characters. Great literature fills in these voids to help elucidate the human condition.
Sharpen the saw. Practice. Repeat.
In many ways, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is poorly titled. What Covey teaches us is how to be happy. Because we're Americans and we're sometimes slaves to overworking ourselves, we confuse being effective and successful with being happy. They're 2 separate things, though clearly related and certainly more so in this country, where we have a more material definition of happiness. It also depends on how we define success and happiness. I'm not sure it's entirely a causal relationship. Those who practice these 7 habits will be more effective but also happier. People who practice these 7 habits with their families and friends will definitely be happier, but they don't necessarily have to be particularly effective or successful in their jobs.
Either way, the book's worth a look and worthy of being deemed Canonical. And the 7 habits all require practicing every day.
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