The Wedding Service & the Cycle

Part of the wedding involved giving a shout out for those who would get married after us: Beau and Ashley and then James and Sarah. Unfortunately, James was not able to attend the wedding as he was in Berlin. But he is also part of the circle.

We had several readings.

Anthony read something inspired by Henry Miller’s Big Sur and the Oranges of Hieronymous Bosch:

The many avid readers of the Quetzalicow blog might recognize the title, and the story of the book itself is also a part of its meaning. Kirsten and Kendall bought the book in San Frfancisco on the Spring Break road trip, then read it in Mexico last summer. Kendall read most of the book sitting on a small, lovely beach with soft white sand and gentle blue water, which sounds like a perfect depiction of Miller’s talk about paradise. Everyone raved about how beautiful the beaches were, and Kendall and Kirsten were so excited to get there. Once they did, however, they found out that paradise was more than a little complicated by beach-front vendors, heat, hungry mosquitoes, and (mostly imaginary) scorpions. The trip back to the mountains was swift, and Miller’s thoughts about how hard it can be to enjoy paradise were right on.

Most of us put a lot of time and energy into things like finding a dream job, creating the perfect family, or meeting the one person right for us, but Miller reminds us that living in paradise can be harder than finding it. It is far too easy to let insecurity or mistrust goad us into finding flaws even with the really good things in life. Accepting happiness requires growth. We choose to stay in paradise—and in love—by focusing on the here and now. Paradise doesn’t mean perfection. Instead, it means accepting love and friendship as the gifts they are and giving generously and honestly of oneself in return. Each of you here has shared important pieces of the stories that bring Kendall and Kirsten together today. We thank you for being so many of the good parts of our lives.

The Rings

Wedding rings are symbolic reminders
of the unbroken circle of a healthy and abiding love.

The wedding ring is a circle
symbolizing the sun, the earth,
and the universe.
It is a symbol of wholeness,
perfection, and peace.
As you enter into the circle
of your shared love,
may you be blessed
through your devotion to this union.
May your journey as husband and wife
be filled with peace, love, and joy.

Within the safety and comfort of a true marriage,
love freely given has no beginning and no end.
Each of you gives your love to the other and each of you receives love from the other
and thus, the circle of love is complete.

These rings are also significant because of the inscriptions that they carry:

The inscriptions come from a story that both Kirsten and I analyzed in our respective dissertations: Antonio José Ponte’s “Un arte de hacer ruinas” or “A Knack for Making Ruins.” The story is about the precarious living situation in Havana where many Cubans survive in the ruins of a city that is literally crumbling apart. In the story, some of the citizens create an alternate reality or a parallel universe in what would have been the subway tunnels. (The subway was never built). The password to enter this underground parallel reality involves two parts. The gatekeeper states, “A mí me ronca arriba” (it rankles me above), and the person entering responds, “A mí me ronca abajo” (it rankles me below), thus repeating an inscription on a coin that is also part of the travel between alternate dimensions. This enigmatic inscription is how I proposed to Kirsten.

Vows

With this ring,

I give you my promise

to honor you

to be faithful to you

and to share my love and my life with you

Always.

The Kiss

Hugs

Family

The line-up

Walking off into the Sunset

The flyby

This was an appropriate end to our ceremony. My mom also saw a great blue heron fly over. This is always a good sign in the Whitney family.

The Gifting Speech

The gifting spirit of the wedding was inspired by Lewis Hyde’s The Gift.

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The author’s premise is that a work of art is a gift, not a commodity. A gift is something that we do not get by our own efforts. We cannot buy it; we cannot acquire it through an act of will. It is bestowed upon us. It has to be given and shared to make it a gift; if you try to hold on to it, it ceases to be a gift. There is no set price that we can place on a gift, much in the same way we cannot put a price on having our hearts moved or our souls revived.

The love between two people is a gift. One of the most important aspects of the gift of love is that it is kept alive by constant donation. A circle develops between the giver and the receiver in which they eventually become indistinguishable. The giving of a gift establishes a relationship. Furthermore, when gifts circulate within a group, their exchange leaves a series of interconnected relationships. This is where all of you come in. You, who have come to celebrate the union of Kendall and Kirsten, are also part of the circle. We are very glad that you have come to share this experience.

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It was really important to us that the wedding was an event in which everybody participated in one way or another. Boston Mike presided over the service. Beau cooked an enormous amount of prime rib. The dogs took part by carrying the rings into the ceremony. My dad poured wine. My mom, along with Boston Mike's mom, helped clean the kitchen. Josh Gruber prepared appetizers with the help of Dave Fischer. Anthony and Carmen did readings. DC Mike helped with details and provided some excellent photography as did Erin Finzer. And the list goes on. In this way, the gifts circulated within our circle in a way that kept our wedding honest. This was the communal spirit that we wanted to bring. Because all of our friends and family were important in making this happen.